My Story

It only seems fitting to start my blogging career by telling you my story, in the hope, it might help and inspire.

I’m sharing this with you openly, honestly and truthfully so you might recognise the path that led me to be so passionate about food, health and wellbeing.

I had a truly happy and comfortable childhood, no doubts about it.

As an only child, I grew up with very loving parents and numerous friends. I was a bit of a tomboy and had an aptitude for sports from very early on. As my parents were amateur tennis players, I spent a lot of time at my local tennis club, hence picking up a racket and starting to play was an easy progression. I loved the physical element and the competitiveness of this discipline, even though I would be told later on in my career that I wasn’t cutthroat enough to be a winner- I didn’t want it badly enough… Nevertheless, I spent the best part of my youth chasing the dream of becoming a successful tennis player, most likely a fundamental detail in the birth of the anxiety that characterised this part of my life. 

At the same time, I was going to school and trying to be a perfect student…let alone, a perfect daughter and friend to boot! Yes, I have always been naturally driven and a perfectionist at heart, which is quite an explosive combination…

I remember very clearly starting to suffer severe bouts of stomach cramps when I was in elementary school. Sometimes, I had to be sent home as I needed to lie-down for the pain to pass. 

Although I was always described by those who knew me as having a sunny disposition and being very positive,

I was also prone to negative and catastrophic thinking moods, digging myself into a hole of worst-case scenarios that covered all parts of my life, sometimes even wallowing in it with masochistic indulgence. 

I quickly realised that I had a particularly overactive mind. In fact, any negative situation or feeling would easily make it spin out of control… 

I definitely remember thinking this wasn’t normal and wondering if the other kids felt the same.

Teenage years only exacerbated this situation, with my gut health suffering and controlling tendencies towards food slowly emerging. I also started to experience sporadic heart palpitations and the beginning of what would become some serious panic attacks. Thinking back, I was not kind to myself at all, always pushing myself to achieve more and feeling I wasn’t doing enough.

In short, I thought at best I was going crazy. At worst, I was going to die. But nobody ever suspected a thing.

I am not painting a great picture of myself, am I?! 

It seems incredible that while all this was going on inside me, I managed to function and looked like a picture of happiness.

I didn’t feel safe to confide in anybody for fear of being misunderstood or ridiculed. The only person I spoke to about these problems was my mum.

She was very compassionate and offered to take me to see some doctors, to try and give me some peace of mind. Of course, they all said there wasn’t anything obviously wrong with me.

Thus, the vicious cycle kept going… I would be okay for a while but then, out of the blue and with extreme ease, something would precipitate me into a state of constant worry and panic would set in.

Although I was a mess, I was intuitive enough to recognise that it was definitely all starting in my mind. Even then, without all the knowledge I have now about the mind-body connection, I knew there was a link between what I was thinking and how I was feeling. I remember stumbling upon a book one day, when I was probably 18, about diaphragmatic (belly) breathing as a way to relax and calm a racing mind. I bought it immediately…and I couldn’t believe that someone was actually speaking my language.

The book confirmed that it was my mind that was controlling me. I wasn’t totally crazy after all!

But how could I stop my monkey mind? At the time, I didn’t have a toolkit of resources to turn to.

I had noticed, though, that when I was engaged in pleasurable activities, playing sports or having fun with my friends, I was completely fine.

It was during stressful or idle times that my mind would wander and spin out of control.

One of the worst periods I can remember for my physical and mental health, came after I got married, moved to London and started working in the City. It was a huge change in lifestyle and my stress levels went through the roof.

I was only 26 and struggling to cope in a new country, this time wanting to be the perfect wife and holding down a job that required a long commute in the tube, long hours and not much excitement on my part. I had the heavy feeling of being trapped, literally, in the tube (hello claustrophobia!) and in a job that wasn’t fulfilling me.

My panic attacks returned with a vengeance and I was left in tears and fearful for my health. Once again, I went to see a doctor who, this time, offered some anti-depressants drugs. In retrospect, I should have probably taken her advice, but I didn’t, adamant that I wasn’t depressed and could solve this enigma by myself.

As I said before, my interest in food started when I was very young but the actual connection as to how it made me feel came into focus during this time of my life. 

I started to buy books about nutrition which, at the time (the late 1990s), mainly covered macrobiotics and vegetarian cuisine. I knew there was a way to get better but I didn’t know where to start.

Giving up that City job after a few years (when I could) certainly helped. I finally had more freedom and more time to focus on my wellbeing. I started to connect the dots and realised that to be happy and at peace I needed to pursue my passions and try and do what I loved. My body was screaming for attention and I needed to listen to it.

Honestly- deep down I knew it all along but I needed the experience to finally get it.

Once I stopped to be so harsh on myself and released a bit of self-imposed control over my body and mind, things started to fall into place.

Starting a family was my saviour and family life has always been the greatest source of joy for me. There were, at times, difficult moments, as you can imagine, raising three small boys (!!!) but motherhood was the wisest teacher. It taught me to be in the present moment and to always trust my instincts. It taught me to let go and it taught me patience.

Unfortunately, life is unpredictable and, after a few deaths in my family (especially my mum’s in 2008) and my husband’s serious stroke in 2012, I was back to square one. No, worse than that- I crumbled. Mainly, I was so sick and tired of feeling like I was completely out of control. Again, I didn’t show it externally, but internally I was falling apart.

This time though, I knew I had to finally find the root cause of my malaise.

I resolved to take action and a few things happened.

I found a doctor that, for the first time, listened to me with kindness and compassion and didn’t think I was a lunatic. She suggested I should talk to someone about my feelings and pointed me towards acupuncture and other alternative therapies. I started doing yoga. I bought mountains of books and read a lot. I began to learn properly about the vagus nerve and the gut-brain axis. About the microbiome. I started to experiment with different foods. I got curious and delved into my spirituality. I realised I needed to spend more time in nature and sunshine (a tough one here in the UK!). I began to see some hope as I discovered what worked for me.

And this is how, in 2016, looking to deepen my knowledge about nutrition and health, I stumbled upon IIN (the Institute for Integrative Nutrition) and decided to study to become a health coach. I still recall the feeling of immense joy and gratitude I experienced when I began the course. It was like coming home.

So, here I am now. Starting my own business.

My body and mind fully recovered- although I am a work in progress and aim to always grow and better myself. Trying to spread the ripple effect (like they say at IIN).

It really feels like the dawn of a new era.

I am shortly going to hit the half century mark and I have never felt more alive or hopeful. It sounds like a cliché but I truly mean it. I have learnt that you have to look after this body of yours, because what you eat and what you think will affect how you feel. Be kind to yourself. 

Good thoughts and the ability to go after your dreams are only possible when you feel well, strong and confident. Toxic thoughts (like those I used to have), as well as toxic food, will only make you sick.

It is so true that what you focus on grows. So direct your attention to your next positive feeling and the energy will flow to it.

I truly believe it’s never too late to start feeling great and you can do it one step at a time. Trust me.

And if you would like my help, I will be very happy to be by your side.

P.S. Yes, in case you are wondering. I do now have an idea of the reasons behind my monkey mind and all the troubles it caused me. But let’s leave it for another blog post…